There is a tiny chance that if you follow me on Twitter you’ve been hearing about Doomsday.
Doomsday, which kept me up for 6 hours crying when I found out about it. Doomsday which had me waking up in the middle of night, covered in sweat, shaking and crying, on the verge of tears, unable to move because the fear was so real.
This might sound like exaggerations but that’s honestly what happened.
When I learned about Doomsday I’d already been in a natural state of Sad which comes about every now and then.
Learning about Doomsday made it worse.
Then I just had to wait for Doomsday to actually come and I had the comfort of my friends to help me forget that Doomsday was fast approaching but then came the night before the last day before Doomsday and I was thrown full force back into that state of barely being able to function from fear.
Doomsday has passed and I’m sure (I’m not sure but maybe hoping or curious) some of you were curious as to just WHAT THE FUCK Doomsday was.
Get ready for anticlimax shit.
Story: I got an email on the 13th of February saying that I would get my decision on the 20th and I spiraled out of control. I was absolutely convinced that I would not get in.
Now, the reason that e-mail got to me was because it was my number one school. THE school I want to go to, my dream school. Great location, no too far from home, had a nice feel to it when I visited… I’ve had my eyes on it for about a year or two…? And it’s not like Harvard or anything….
(Another aspect of this story, that is personal, is that my self-esteem is low. Like for whatever reason, I’m convinced I’m the doubtest person in the world. There is no greater idiot than myself.)
And last year was just a bad year and for whatever reason, I was EXTRA convinced I was a dumbfuck and I let my grades drop REALLY bad. Close to failing bad. To make matters worse, I was perfectly aware of this and just did nothing about it because I told myself I was stupid, so what could I do about it?
And then at the end of the year, I went “OH SHIT MY FUTURE”
Cue my dogs:
Back to your regularly scheduled post:
I tried to get back on track but at that point, I was severely fucked. All I could do was pray that I hadn’t ruined my future and that I did better my senior year.
Cue senior year: I’m doing well. Not as Sad. YAY! Still, I did some serious damage to myself.
Come time to apply to colleges.
I got my applications in on time but don’t worry I got to relive this when that fucking e-mail came!
Also, another note: I only applied to two universities.
No. I’m not cocky. There were only two schools I was interested in attending so why spend $80s applying to schools I didn’t care about or plan on going to?
(This picture keeps repeating for a reason).
So, you all might be wondering why I wouldn’t just say: hey you guys, I’m going to get a college decision on Monday and that’s why I’ve been freaking out!
Most basic answer: because I didn’t want to deal with having to tell people if I didn’t get in…
So, I only told my closest friends and my family, and I asked my mom to ask her friends and family to pray for me.
That way, if I didn’t get in, it’d only be a small group of people who I know love me and care about me who would know and be able to comfort me. That way if I didn’t get in, people wouldn’t look in pity and I could go into a Sad State without anyone really knowing or caring why.
So, thank you all for listening to my whininess and putting up with my ominous tweets about
Summary: I got in, I officially go the email saying “Hey, you’re doing good, we got your money!” I put down the money for tuition and housing and did the housing application, so… If all goes as planned, I’m going to college in the Fall!