HELLO! This is not a bookish post, not really, so feel free to ignore this and move on!
No, this is an update, kind of? A general thing? Maybe it does have to do a little bit with the blog. Anyways…
In the next two weeks/week and a half, I will be moving out of my house and into a dorm room. I’m going to college. I am terrified. Every night is just me having anxiety dream after anxiety dream, I’ve been crying a lot? There isn’t really a solid reason for the crying, sometimes I just wake up and my eyes are, like, leaking. And I’m sitting there on able to breathe because my nose is clogged and I’m like “I didn’t ask for this? Why?”
So that’s really unfortunate. And don’t feel the need to console me I’ve gotten plenty of “you’ll be okay”s and “just breathe”s so trust me, I know those things very, very, very, VERY well and I don’t need them repeated over and over. At this point, I’m more in the stage of “I need to know someone’s going to have my back when I inevitably lose my shit from all the stress”. Currently, I’m trying to think if I have people who will have my back when I finally lose it like actually have my back. I’ve been combing through the people I know making a list of people I feel safe going to when I finally feel like I have no one because I’m on a massive campus and have only made surface level friendships.
Okay, so y’all are probably cringing right now, I don’t blame you. My stress is cringe worthy, cringe all you like.
Here’s the thing with college and my stress and my blog: I don’t know how they’re going to fit together.
My plan is to, in the next 1 1/2 – 2 weeks, make enough blog posts to get me through to the end of my first semester. Which means the blog may keep posting even though I haven’t touched it in forever.
I may not be able to do that.
I have plenty of drafts written up and ideas for posts to put out there so this blog won’t go dry and y’all forget about it in twenty seconds of me being gone but there’s a chance they’ll never get written and posts will only go up when I find some breathing room in all of the chaos of my transition.
Then there’s the chance that somehow in the midst of all that damned chaos, I find the time to read, review and continue blogging. I’ll admit, it’s a possibility. I mean, right now I’m assuming that isn’t what’s going to happen and this blog will hiatus until the end of December.
But, I do know there’s a possibility that I will find a way to manage my stress (which I’m already working on, a nice mix of trying to eat healthy, exercise, and most importantly, lots and lots of mental exercises) and this blog will keep running like nothing’s changed.
The thing is I want anyone who reads this blog, anyone who cares to just… Be prepared for anything?
Like, I could regress and this blog’s quality could significantly decrease and I’ll have 2 A. M. meltdowns because I don’t know what the fuck is going on in bio or one of my professors is a literal asshole and I cannot fucking cope.
But… Everything could be fine.
Anyways, I’m bringing a bunch of books with me to college so hopefully, I can spend some of my free time reading and continue reviewing.
I really like this blog and I’m pretty proud of it. I’m really hoping it doesn’t die while I’m at college.
Please pray for me.
Anyways, that’s about it, so back to the bookish stuff!